The Lockdown Chronicles of Benny Davis

When Amanda, asked if I would like to contribute to our Cuidad Patricia lockdown stories, I immediately said yes. Something creative to take my mind off this awful, stressful situation. But when I opened my Microsoft Word programme to start, facing a blank sheet of paper was just like waking up to another day. Nuffinks! Void of all interest and activity. Just I was about to forget the whole thing, the wife popped her head around my office door and announced she was going to paint her toenails. Considering her hair had been neglected since lockdown and was beginning to look more like the mad woman of Borneo,

I wondered how the feminine mind could consider shifting the point of interest from head to toe could change her disposition? Maybe it's purely a relaxation exercise, who am I to question her logic, especially after she told me the story about one woman saying to another, "Haven't seen your husband around lately." Her friend replied, "He´s in the garden". "Oh!" she said, "Didn't see him when I last looked". "No" was the reply, "You need to dig down".On the positive side, lockdown has introduced me to yet another miracle of this confusing electronic age – 'facetime' video link. Yesterday, I casually answered my mobile phone and was amazed to suddenly be faced with a live picture of our son grinning from ear to ear announcing "We’ve fixed up
a Zoom link with you Dad."  I was speechless, just sat there staring at him sitting comfortably in his lounge in front of a picture I had never seen before. A portrait of an ugly old man with a distorted face, large protruding fish like eyes, looking out from inside a goldfish bowl.

When I moved to look closer at this suspended horror, it moved with me. After several further attempts, I suddenly realised I was looking at a smaller video of myself, exactly as viewed on the other end of the phone. In a state of panic, I mumbled something to the effect of. "Have a word with mum", and quickly passed the phone to the Borneo woman sitting beside me.

The long-term effect of this video miracle was that every time the phone rings now, it's a mad scramble for the bathroom, full make-up, lights and cue cards at the ready. So, if you phone us, please accept our apologies for the delay – do not hang up!